Amusing Job/Work Stories

[Rocky]

I would like to start this thread and see where it goes. Some of the most amusing incidents occur "on the job" and I suspect that many of us have some very amusing stories. These could be faux pas, practical jokes, one-liners...whatever. Here is an example.

Many years ago in the 1970's a co-worker bought a fuel efficient foreign car, a rarity at the time. When American models were getting between 10 and 15 miles per gallon, these cars were approaching and even exceeding 30. He was bragging about all of the money he would save and how we were all saps to keep buying gas guzzling "American junk." We decided to have a little fun with him.

We used to play pinochle at lunch time in the office and he participated. While he was thus occupied, one of the non-players would slip out and add gas to his tank. As one can imagine, this increased his "gas mileage" tremendously and he was constantly bragging about it. We had open cubicles and we could hear him talking to the dealer and raving about how efficient the car was. This went on for a few weeks and then we started siphoning gas every day. Of course his mileage plunged and he suddenly stopped bragging about the car. When somone would ask how it was running, he would say "Okay" and quickly change the subject. We heard him on the phone talking in a low voice to the dealership and complaining about the poor mileage. The dealer was just as baffled and said to him, "Didn't you call in here a few weeks ago and tell me how great your mileage was?" He was clearly distraught so we had to "fess up" but it was a great practical joke.

 

[Runningwolf]

LMAO, Rocky that was awesome.

In the early eighties we had just got a new girl in the office. While everyone was out to lunch I called into the office claiming to be from the phone company. I explained that they had called earlier in the week about static in the lines and we were going to clean them out. I told her all the phones needed to be placed in the waste baskets and covered up as we were going to blow out the static and it might create some dust. This very young just out of high school girl did as instructed. Shortly afterwards the owners and others returned from lunch. OMG it was way too funny. Guess where all the fingers pointed? LOL

I told my story about the mice and mailmen on here a few years ago.

 

[Fordguy]

Years ago there was a guy in our office that was just kind of a jerk. He wasn't the boss, but he thought he was and the actual boss did give him some authority, anyway on this particular day I was hauling heavy equipment (semi-truck/big trailer etc) and I got back to the office late in the afternoon, everyone was gone except him.
I went to my desk to finish some paperwork and I heard this guy close his office door.
I finished the paperwork....oh yeah, this guy parked his company car as close to the door as possible and nobody could park in his spot.
I went to get in my pickup to go home and thought, hey, I'll fix this guy.....I went to the semi truck tool box, got the grease gun and put grease under both windshield wipers, turned on his wipers to full speed, so that when we started the car the wipers would spread grease all over his windshield. He never said a word about that.
Of course I told the guys at work and we all had a good laugh out of it.

 

[Dugger]

One Valentines day I was at work and a Valentine balloon and some cookies (Cookies by George - a great treat) were delivered with my name on it but no name of who they came from. I thought I would have some fun with the gang so I said I thought I might be in trouble - if I went home and thanked my wife and she hadn't sent them, I was in deep doggie do; but if I didn't say anything and she did send them, I was also in trouble. The advice I got was quite entertaining and I played it out for the rest of the day and everyone was eagerly awaiting my arrival the next morning. My wife and I got a kick out of it that night.
The next morning all I would say at work was that was I had made the right decision when I got home.

 

[TahunaJR]

Years ago when businesses generated a lot of paper, one of the most used office supplies was a 3-hole punch. On a rainy day, one our co-workers went off to a morning meeting. We took this opportunity to get their umbrella and fill it with the waste of a few 3-hole punches.

We all gathered at the window when quitting time came around. Right on cue they went outside, they started down the block, the rain started and up went the umbrella. There was a shower of paper circles floating and sticking to the co-worker as they stood in amazement over what happened while the rain got worse. They looked up at the building to a group of people clapping and laughing. Taking it in stride, they bowed and continued on their way.

Needless to say we always check our umbrellas for surprises before we leave!

 

[Duster]

Mine was not at the workplace but actually many moons ago while in school for auto mechanics. We had one gentleman in our class that had know idea of the workings of an automobile. As one could imagine he was the butt of most jokes.
One day he entered in into class and asked for help with his own car, an late 70's cutlass. He went on to say that while driving in this morning his car started making a funny growling noise. The instructor had him pull it into the shop and I was the first to slide underneath it. It did not take long to find a broken exhaust hanger that was allowing the tail pipe to vibrate against his rear bumper. I said to him "Tony, look at this, you see how loose your tail pipe is, ya, he replied, Well your muffler bearings are out.
What, I have never heard of such a thing he replied.
Oh ya, I told him, There not that expensive and doesn't take long to change so why don't you run into Napa and get a set, I will begin the tare down.
Off he went, meanwhile I corrected the problem with piece of wire and then call my buddies at Napa. I explained to them that Tony was on his way in for muffler bearings. You can imagine how this conversation went.
Turns out when Toney returned, Pete from Napa actually sold him a set of Rod Caps and I had to explain to him that I was wrong and he didn't need them after all.

 

[Duster]

Years ago when businesses generated a lot of paper, one of the most used office supplies was a 3-hole punch. On a rainy day, one our co-workers went off to a morning meeting. We took this opportunity to get their umbrella and fill it with the waste of a few 3-hole punches.

We all gathered at the window when quitting time came around. Right on cue they went outside, they started down the block, the rain started and up went the umbrella. There was a shower of paper circles floating and sticking to the co-worker as they stood in amazement over what happened while the rain got worse. They looked up at the building to a group of people clapping and laughing. Taking it in stride, they bowed and continued on their way.

Needless to say we always check our umbrellas for surprises before we leave!

Priceless, currently our xerox punches the sheets for us when this printing option is selected. amazingly everyone seems to think these little round paper discs just vanish and can't figure out why the copier flashes error codes on occasion. At any given time the collection tray is mostly full.
I have got to try this someday.

 

[Rocky]

Thanks, Guys, these are great stories and just what I expected.

Another amusing incident occurred while I was "employed" by my Uncle Sam. We were in formation and the Chief of Firing Battery (kind of like a Field First Sergeant in the Artillery) was complaining that when we fell out for formation, we were not all uniformly dressed. He bellowed, "The next time we fall out I want you people dressed the same, with a poncho! Get it? Poncho! Poncho!" And some clown in the ranks said, "C-i-i-i-i-s-co!"

 

[DaveL]

When pouring a concrete slab/floor the mexican finishers who worked for me use a laser level to float off an elevation that they then use to strike off the slab level. After they make this flat spot they use the side of the hand float to make an ex to mark the center.
While watching this a new testing technician for the geotechnicle company asked why they cross the spot. Without missing a beat my foreman said "well they are Mayan, and they are blessing the concrete for good luck by placing a cross in it!"
She promptly relayed this to her boss at her office, who was completely befuddled until we let him in the next day.

 

[JohnT]

I had this one client. This guy was the type of fellow that would always like to "poke a guy in the ribs", so to speak.

Perhaps you know the type. The type of guy that makes jeering comments to you and will only respect you if you jeer him back.

well, one day he was on a roll and it was time for the ultimate "gotcha". While he was at lunch, I enlistied a couple of guys and we cleaned out his office. When we were done, the room was entirely empty. The only item we left was the bottom part of his swivel chair. We had removed the seat and only left the base and the shaft comming up the middle. We then stuck a sign on it saying "please sit on this and spin".

It was a classic!

 

[dralarms]

We used to send the new guys to the office for a wire stretcher. Had one guy argue with the boss for 20 minutes, saying that we sent him after it so we must know what we are talking about.

 

[Sammyk]

When we had our nursery/garden center in MI, a fellow rushed in and said "I need a large tree right away". I asked what kind of tree and he had no idea what kind of tree just a large tree. Seems his cow got lose and ate his wife's favorite tree while she was out of town. And he had to get another planted before she got home the next morning. Right! Like she is going to take "any" tree to replace her favorite tree! All of the employees were laughing hysterically.

Later that day a little boy about 7 came up to the counter and asked if we had plants that humming birds liked. "Sure we have some plants that humming birds like" I said. Seems his mother was buried that morning and she loved humming birds and his grandmother brought him to our store for some plants for humming birds. Then we are all in tears!

Reminds me of my father saying if we were all laughing hysterically that we would be crying later!

 

[JohnT]

When we had our nursery/garden center in MI, a fellow rushed in and said "I need a large tree right away". I asked what kind of tree and he had no idea what kind of tree just a large tree. Seems his cow got lose and ate his wife's favorite tree while she was out of town. And he had to get another planted before she got home the next morning. Right! Like she is going to take "any" tree to replace her favorite tree! All of the employees were laughing hysterically.

Later that day a little boy about 7 came up to the counter and asked if we had plants that humming birds liked. "Sure we have some plants that humming birds like" I said. Seems his mother was buried that morning and she loved humming birds and his grandmother brought him to our store for some plants for humming birds. Then we are all in tears!

Reminds me of my father saying if we were all laughing hysterically that we would be crying later!

Did you end up giving the little boy his plants? shoot, with a story like that, I am surprised you didn't close up shop and have the whole crew help this kid out.

 

[Sammyk]

He left with about $25.00 worth of plants at no charge. Years later he came back and told me that he was that little boy wanting humming bird flowers and that he never forgot my kind words to him. It was the 10th anniversary of his mothers passing and he left with a huge bouquet of flowers for her grave. He insisted that he would pay but I would not take a penny because I told him how much he had touched the hearts of all of my employees and myself.

 

[Julie]

My husband is not one for practical jokes. He feels that practical jokes can get out of hand very quickly and that is true. Well the guy who works in my warehouse likes to play little jokes here and there. Mike would tell him not to do it because he probably would not like the joke that comes back at him. Well he doesn't listen, I don't remember the joke that was played but Mike looked at him and says "Dan, that was a good one but remember, it's my turn now."

Dan hates the little peanuts that come in packages, complains about them all the time. Well couple months later, Dan opens is truck door and out pours a pile of these peanuts, the cab up to the windows was filled with peanuts.

Needless to say, no one plays any practical jokes on Mike anymore.

 

[dralarms]

I've got a friend that their family plays all kinds of jokes. One day thier kids plastic wrapped his car. all around the doors top to bottom, there was no getting into it.

 

[JohnT]

My older brother is a bit of a genius. He graduated from Steven Tech in the top 10% of his class. He normally uses his gifts for good, but always made an exception when it came to me.

We would prank each other all the time. He built a water catapult with a trip wire and planted it in my room, I ransacked his room, he would set time delayed fire crackers in my room, I would plant 100 "snappers" in his room. The best was his "box".

The box was made out of very thick guage steel, rivited/welded together. Inside the box he planted the guts of a smoke detector, a lantern battery, a 3 hour time delay, and a trip wire going through the only hole in the darn thing. So this is how it works.. You walk into the room, not knowing that you yanked a trip wire. You go to sleep and then the thing issues a very loud skreetch 3 hours later.

In a panic, I got up and quickly found the box, but since it was self contained and impenetrable, there was no way to shut it off. I ended up tossing it out of a third story window and the impact, thankfully, was enough to break the darn thing. We still laugh about it today.

When it became boring playing jokes on one another, me and my brother set our sights on our Father. He was very predictable. He love to go to this one joint for a lobster dinner. It was the only thing he ever ordered.

Well we got our hands on a very realistic, plasic lobster, and paid the waiter to serve it to him. The waiter smiled and refused to take any money, saying "I have wanted to do that for years".

Well, they served Dad the lobster, andDdad immediately complained,

"this thing is small", he touched the lobster and
"this thing is cold", He pick the lobster up and
"this thing weighs next to nothing".

At this point (when I managed to wipe my eyes clear) I noticed that the whole restaurant had erupted in laughter. The entire kitchen staff (barely able to stand up) had come out and lined the back wall of the dining room.

But it wasn't until my father tried to twist one of the claws off that we really lost it. It was the kind of laughter that was simply too painful to endure. Here he is twisting and twisting the lobster's claw and both of us on the floor having a fit of laughter!

Being a good sport, my Dad never punished us. Even he thought that this was funny.

johnT.

 

[Runningwolf]

I've got a friend that their family plays all kinds of jokes. One day thier kids plastic wrapped his car. all around the doors top to bottom, there was no getting into it.

When I worked at one of the big boxes we did this everytime someone got transferred to another store as a going away gift.

 

[DaveL]

Next time one of your underlings complains about how hard they work tell them " Dont confuse effort with results" They like that.

 

[dralarms]

I'm always messing with my son. Not to long ago I super glued a coke bottle shut on him. The only problem was I used too much glue so he got a mouthful.