I would have to say "the day my best friend got re-married".
Backstory (Sorry that this one is so long):
My pal's first wife died of liver failure. She was a destructive alcoholic. It was so bad that she apparently emptied the bank account on booze. While she was in the hospital, and the doctors gave her hours to live, I got the late night call from my pal. You can imagine that he was in a really bad way. She died as predicted and left behind a 5 year old son who will never remember his mom.
Then began the painful "reach for normalcy". My pal never imagined life without his wife, let alone being a single parent. Between his commute to work, and having to care for his son by himself, I figured that he would be alone for quite a long while. I was right, for 6 years he went it alone. All the while I worried about him. There are men that are simply meant to be with someone, and my pal was their king.
One year, I called my pal close to Christmas. I wanted to know what gift his son wanted. My pal proceeded to tell me that he had asked his son that very question and got "a new mommy" as a response. Just try and hold back the tears when you hear something like that. This mad me feel rotten about myself crying about how I did not get that GI Joe when I was his age.
Then, one day about 5 years after the funeral, I get the call.. "I met someone". I did backflips. I had a chance to meet her, and did backflips again. As I got to know her, it occurred that this was truly the person he should have always been with (and not a woman so selfish as to drink herself to death when she had a husband and a 6 year old son). Just watching how this new girlfriend interacted with my pal's son was heart warming.
A year later, on my birthday, they got married, and I was best man. All of my old college friends were there (whom I haven't seen in ages). My wife spent most of the day getting all beautiful. One look at her almost stopped my heart.
The reception was amazing. While waiting to be introduced, the groomsmen were sequestered in the "groomsmen room". A waiter came to offer this tiny plate of food and a single round of drinks. After a $100.00 tip (we all gladly kicked in $20 a piece) a much larger tray of food appeared and a "rolling bar" was brought in. MAN DID WE HAVE FUN, laughing and talking about our exploits when young.. And the party had not even begun.
When we were lined up to be introduced at the reception, we all chuckled because the brides party was complaining that they only got 1 round of drinks and a very small tray of food. We told them about how well we were treated after the tip. They got angry .. "we do not believe in tipping" they said. "and we don't believe in going hungry and thirsty" was our
response.
Not too far into the reception, it was time for the customary speeches. They had the matron of honor go first and she was so emotional that she barely could say two words. Before I knew it, it was time for me to give the best man's speech. I had worked days on this speech, and as a professional presenter, my friends had very high expectations...
I grabbed the mike and said "
This is right about the time where someone in the back yells "oh s*%t, who let John have a microphone!" <laughter>
"I would like to thank you all for coming to my birthday party {it was my birthday after all},
I would like to thank you for all of wonderful birthday presents, but I really do not need another toaster or salad bowl." <laughter>
On cue, my wife came up to me and "fake whispered" in my ear as if to inform me of my mistake..
"WHAT??? A Wedding??? Why didn't anybody tell me???" <Laughter>
"In that case, Let me tell you of my take on the secrets to a happy marriage. The first secret is to never loose your sense of humor. "
As an example, I told the story about the day before I got married. "
We were bored and my brother had a pair of handcuffs (don't ask), so we decided to go and kidnap the bride. Me and my pal ran down to her house, I rang the bell, and after she answered the door, I handcuffed her to myself. The idea was that now we had to go back to my house (where I had left the key).
Here was the flaw in the plan.. There was me, handcuffed to my future bride, and my 275 pound buddy, and we only had a Miata (a small 2 seater).
Without a smirk or even a hint of anger, my future bride took charge and solved the problem. Long story short, there was me driving (the groom), My pal in the passenger's seat (the best man), and my future bride on his lap while handcuffed to me.
When we got pulled over by a cop (and you KNOW we were bound to get pulled over), we couldn't stop laughing. I think the cop recalibrated his breatholizer about a dozen times, but the fact is that we were all quite sober".
<At this point, half of the bridal party is on the floor laughing, and the groom is wiping "laughter tears" from his eyes.>
"The next secret is to never keep score. In that I mean chores. So many marriages head down a bad road when "chore scores" are kept. If you turn to your spouse and say (on a regular basis) "I did it because it needed to be done", then you have a happy marriage. I always like the look on my wife's face when she come down to find a kitchen that I cleaned after she went to bed.
<At this point almost every single woman in the place wanted to know if I had a brother. Every married man gave me the "Gee, thanks for making me look bad pal!" while every married woman was punching her husband in the arm saying "See".>
I closed things by raising my glass...
"
I would like to close by having us all raise our glasses and say "Here is to the bride and groom, may they realize the third and final secret to a happy marriage and that is to live as long as they want, but never want as long as they live"..
I did it. I pulled of the greatest best man speech of all time!
The rest of the evening was spent dancing, eating, and drinking the night away, happy in the knowledge that my best friend in the whole world had a lifetime of wedded bliss ahead of him and my Godson had finally gotten his Christmas wish made so many years ago. He had his new Mommy.
All in all, one of the best days of my life.
