National "tell a joke" day

[JohnT]

I heard on the radio this morning that today is national "tell a joke" day.

So here goes....

Two men walk into a bar. You would think that the second guy would have ducked!

 

[DoctorCAD]

Geek joke:

Heisenberg is driving and get's pulled over.
The cop asks "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I am"
The cop says "You were going 87 MPH!"
Heisenberg says "Great, now I'm lost, thanks a lot"

 

[Boatboy24]

Why did sally fall off the swing set?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Not Sally.

 

[cmason1957]

Three professors -- a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician -- are at a
department head meeting when a fire breaks out in a wastebasket.

They all have different methods of dealing with the emergency.
The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials
until their temperature is lower than their ignition temperature and
then the fire will go out."

The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the
supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

As the physicist and the chemist debate what to do, the statistician
runs around the room lighting more fires.

"What are you doing?!" the physicist and the chemist scream.

The statistician replies, "We're going to need a larger sample size."

 

[Mismost]

God granted a interview to a reporter.
The reporter asks God, " About time, what is a million years like for You"?
God replied "it is but a second".
The report asks God, "About money, how much is a million dollars to You"?
God replied, "it is but a penny".
The reporter asks God, "May I have a penny".
God replied, "Yes My child, in just a second".

 

[mennyg19]

Heres a blonde one:
Stacy is on a bus and sees her good friend susan chasing after it. Three stops later she is still chasing the bus but not getting on.
At the next stop Stacy gets off and confronts her. "Why didn't you get on the bus?"
"Well, I wanted to save the $2 bus fare" said Susan
Answered Stacy: "*****, there was a taxi you could've chased and saved $25!!"

 

[zimmer2]

Who is your best friend?

Who is your best friend?


Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for 1/2 hour and then let them out. Who is happy to see you?

 

[mikewatkins727]

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

 

[jswordy]

A man stands on the front porch of a house of ill repute. He has both arms in a cast and both legs in a cast.

The Madam answers the door, takes one look and says, "What do YOU want?"

He replies, "I rang the bell, didn't I?"

 

[vernsgal]

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel