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Researchers at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control (CDC) have announced yesterday the existence of a new strain of the "Mad Cow" bacteria (WMF).
This new highly resilient and infectious WMF strain is resistant to most antigens such as penicillin and is found to exist in many fruits that are currently cultivated in North America. The CDC also confirmed that the potential bacterial concentrations are especially high in apples, peaches, cherries, lemons, and grapes. Further research has shown that grapes in general are highly vulnerable to the WMF strain.
Consumption of the WMF bacteria can have dire consequences on humans. The pathogens that created by the WMF strain seem to attack and then take over the specific areas of the brain that are responsible for reasonable thought.
Initially, symptoms can include, but are not limited to, obsessive behavior in the form of uncontrolled purchasing of carboys, bottlers, and other winemaking equipment, and the endless debate on such topics as yeast, oak, k-meta, MLF, and the use of Welch’s grape juice. As the disease progresses, patients have been known to actually remove discarded wine bottles from the trash bins of strangers in order to stave off their compulsions.
In more advanced stages, this disease progresses to additional, more extreme psychotic behavior such as uncontrolled purchasing of demijohns, soon followed by the additional craving for (and purchase of) stainless steel tanks. Additional argumentative behavior is also exhibited with topics that include Argon Gas, Paper Chromatography, kegs, and Free Run Sulfur.
In the final stages of the disease, the WMF (Winemaking Fever) pathogens typically cause the symptom of “Spousal Dissention”, a symptom so traumatic that most carriers of the disease typically keep the diseased behavior in check by force of will.
The CDC admits that there is currently no cure for WMF, but are encouraged by the recent observation that carriers of the disease that have very thin wallets are less likely to exhibit the typical symptoms of the disease.
This new highly resilient and infectious WMF strain is resistant to most antigens such as penicillin and is found to exist in many fruits that are currently cultivated in North America. The CDC also confirmed that the potential bacterial concentrations are especially high in apples, peaches, cherries, lemons, and grapes. Further research has shown that grapes in general are highly vulnerable to the WMF strain.
Consumption of the WMF bacteria can have dire consequences on humans. The pathogens that created by the WMF strain seem to attack and then take over the specific areas of the brain that are responsible for reasonable thought.
Initially, symptoms can include, but are not limited to, obsessive behavior in the form of uncontrolled purchasing of carboys, bottlers, and other winemaking equipment, and the endless debate on such topics as yeast, oak, k-meta, MLF, and the use of Welch’s grape juice. As the disease progresses, patients have been known to actually remove discarded wine bottles from the trash bins of strangers in order to stave off their compulsions.
In more advanced stages, this disease progresses to additional, more extreme psychotic behavior such as uncontrolled purchasing of demijohns, soon followed by the additional craving for (and purchase of) stainless steel tanks. Additional argumentative behavior is also exhibited with topics that include Argon Gas, Paper Chromatography, kegs, and Free Run Sulfur.
In the final stages of the disease, the WMF (Winemaking Fever) pathogens typically cause the symptom of “Spousal Dissention”, a symptom so traumatic that most carriers of the disease typically keep the diseased behavior in check by force of will.
The CDC admits that there is currently no cure for WMF, but are encouraged by the recent observation that carriers of the disease that have very thin wallets are less likely to exhibit the typical symptoms of the disease.
