I appreciateyour thoughts on this back label

[olusteebus]

I have created a back label and my wife and I were discussing it. I would appreciate you thoughts or opinions on it. Would you take this as true or would it be a lie. Is it nonsense or perhaps humorous. What are your thoughts.

A quick background:

It is skeeter pee that I have added blackberrys. It is very dark.

I named it Yeller Fly as we have yellow flies around here in the early spring and their bite is painful.

I live on Ocean Pond in Olustee Florida.

Here is the back label. I hope to make it the same color as the front cover in paint, but I am having trouble.

Here is the front label

 

[ICELIA]

I would take it as humorous. I like reading little things like this on bottles and cereal boxes.
I say go for it.

 

[Noontime]

I see where a little bit of a debate might occur. I take it as humorous, andI don't know if anyone else might be put-off by it (although Native Americans might be offended...might). The only issue I see is its tone is serious and written in a solemn, scholarly, educational manner, which is then contradicted by the lighthearted content at the end. It’s a dichotomy that I'm not sure works or not, since there's no indication of it being made up until the end with the"pole dance" reference. Maybe a better way would be to eliminate the reference to Native Americans and go with something more ubiquitous, like"prehistoric peoples" and get rid of the local reference to an actual pond. More importantly maybe set it up as a joke with "The Legend of...", or something like that, so readers don’t get to the end and feel like “what the heck have I been reading?”. I don't see anything wrong with what you're attempting, I think it just needs to be executed a little differently.

 

[Noontime]

Just came to mind..."Primordial Lake People".

Also, by saying its "made annually to continue the tradition"right after the pole dance, it implies that the pole dancing is the tradition,and all the other festivities mentioned earlier are kind of forgotten.

 

[olusteebus]

Thanks Icelia and thanks noontime for the good suggestions. I will probably make those changes.