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Some random thoughts...

  • My wife is back on the warpath again! She was up for making a *** movie last night and all I said is that I would like auditions for her part.
  • My wife packed my bags and told me to get out. As I walked out the door, she screamed, "I hop you die a long, slow, miserable death!" I replied, "Oh, so now you want me to stay?!"
  • I installed a strobe light in the bedroom. It makes my wife look like she is actually moving during ***.
 
For all you punsters out there...


  • How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
  • Venison again for dinner again? Oh deer!
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • England has no Kidney bank but it does have a Liverpool.
  • I tried to catch some fog but I mist.
  • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.
 

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