This wine sucks! Are you trying to kill me???

[JohnT]

How about stories of bad wine experiences? I just has one recently.

Last week, a good friend of mine (Peter) was bragging about some wine he just bought. He got a whole gallon for just $14 at one of these chain bulk-stores.

Gosh, was he proud of that wine! "What a bargain!" he kept saying.

Well before I knew it he was handing me a huge glass of it, filled right up to the brim.

Now I know my reputation around these parts as resident wine snob. Normally, you would be correct in thinking that my prejudices would get in the way in this situation. This time, however, I decided to forego my natural instincts and keep an open mind. Who's to say that this cheap, jug wine isn't any good? I just might be surprised.

So, striving to be a better johnT, I took one sip and wanted to DIE!!!

This wine was sickly sweet (estimate about 3% residual), was incredibly hot (16, no kidding, 16%abv), and was void of any body, balance, and character. I mean this stuff could only be used for getting drunk while being fully unencumbered by any sense of enjoyment along the way. Good God above! This stuff was absolutely shattering!

Now here is the problem. Peter was so proud of that wine that any comment, critique, or negative reaction on my part would have definitely hurt his feelings. I really like Peter and really did not want that to happen. So, I had no choice but to smile and give him an approving nod. I was definitely pulling it off, but then realized that I had about 8 ounces of the stuff in my glass. I was undoubtedly expected to finish the entire glass with great relish.

Kill me now.

Fortunately for me, we were in the middle of an impromptu party, so Peter's attention was not on me 100% of the time. Once Peter's attention was focused elsewhere, I very slowly, and in a most nonchalant way, sidled up alongside his kitchen sink. Over the course of 15 minutes, I slowly poured the contents of my glass (little by little) down his drain. Finally, to cover my tracks, I made a big production of washing my glass, using the water to further rinse down any lingering evidence of my deception.

So much for trying to be nice. Being a snob might not win you any popularity contests, but at least I can avoid the need to rip my tongue out of my mouth!

 

[pgentile]

I don't have anything quite like that, but I am known as a wine drinker, if anyone asks I tell them I prefer deep dark dry red wines. At social gatherings I am very rarely seen drinking anything but red, but people insist on giving me bottles of White Zinfandel stating "I got you this 'cause I know like wine more than beer" or something similar. No slight to white zin lovers but I don't like it. So bottles of white zin sit and sit, never get opened and eventually turn a brownish pink and then get tossed.

 

[balatonwine]

So, striving to be a better johnT, I took one sip and wanted to DIE!!!

A real quandary when presented with a disgusting product.

Be the brutally honest American:




Or the socially polite Hungarian:




Being an American in Hungary.... Well it gets complicated.... Real fast.

 

[balatonwine]

How about stories of bad wine experiences?

Sure. Here is one. After finally a great field year, with a good harvest, after punishing mildew, drought and weather for the prior three years, my wine from a good harvest last year gets H2S in the cellar. I have not has H2S issues for about a decade. Quite frankly..... Insert your favorite expletive here !!!!!

Very, very annoying.

I have a few options for the cause. Will correct for them this year. But still.... seriously..... Insert your favorite expletive here !!!!!

 

[JohnT]

Don't get me started on White Zinfandel!

Whenever I find white zinfandel as an actual wine of choice for someone, the wine conversation immediately ends. There simply is no point in continuing.

The manufacture of white zin is a way for zinfandel growers / makers to get their wine to market in just 8 months (as opposed to the customary 2 to 6 years). It's very existence has more to do with profits and making a cheaper wine and has very little to do with making a wine of quality and taste. You have to ask why else would someone choose to make a crappy blush over making a complex and elegant red zin????

 

[JohnT]

Hey @balatonwine ,

How about some cheese to go with that caviar??

 

[balatonwine]

Hey @balatonwine ,

How about some cheese to go with that caviar??

I have never had Kalles. But looks like, post ingesting, it would need a round of Bulls Blood and some Trappista.

 

[JohnT]

Egri Bikavér!!!!!!


NOW YER TALKING!!!!!!

 

[tjgaul]

Nothing meaningful to add, but this is one of the funniest threads in a while.

 

[balatonwine]

Nothing meaningful to add, but this is one of the funniest threads in a while.

Wait.... It gets even weirder going off topic....

I belong to a few Expat forums, and pretty much, by consensus, Nordic caviar ranks even below haggis (of course, there seems to be too many British expats voting, mind you, so the results may be, probably are, skewed).

How bad is that?

Well, haggis can not even be imported in the USA. That bad.

 

[ibglowin]

Because it sells and most wineries are in the business (believe it or not) to make wine that........sells. If nobody was buying they wouldn't be making it!

You have to ask why else would someone choose to make a crappy (white zin) blush over making a complex and elegant red zin????

 

[balatonwine]

Another story and a puzzle.

Was at a local event recently. Someone brought some home made wine (pretty much everyone here has home made wine by the way). Now, I do not want criticize. Some of the home made wine is bad, sure. But some is really, really good (I ponder how I can make mine that good).

But this one (a white wine).... was.... well.... odd. Because it seemed okay on the nose. But on the palette, it was okay. Okay finish but not great. But if left to linger, I noticed red liquorice, and black pepper. And just a hint --- just a hint --- of acetaldehyde.

Query: Describe the possible issues and causes.

 

[Redbird1]

Because it sells and most wineries are in the business (believe it or not) to make wine that........sells. If nobody was buying they wouldn't be making it!

It seems some people could use a reality check every so often (and some more frequently than that).

 

[Ajmassa]

JohnT, I think your account was hacked. Somebody just used it to tell a story about a friend giving them a glass of wine. A $14 gallon screwcap jug of 16% sweet red wine bought Sams Club. But here’s the kicker.... HE PRETENDED TO LIKE IT!
You should call your bank and make sure your whole identity wasn’t stolen too. You should definitely go after him. The guy sounds like a total pushover.

 

[ceeaton]

You have to ask why else would someone choose to make a crappy blush over making a complex and elegant red zin????

Simple, when your wife prefers it.

Hey @balatonwine ,

How about some cheese to go with that caviar??

Oh, Cheddar and Bacon, would work well with the cheese steaks I'm making on Sunday just before the Iggles compete in the Superbowl. Thanks for the idea, @JohnT!

 

[ibglowin]

Wit please!

Oh, Cheddar and Bacon, would work well with the cheese steaks I'm making on Sunday just before the Iggles compete in the Superbowl. Thanks for the idea, @JohnT!

 

[GreenEnvy22]

Wait.... It gets even weirder going off topic....

I belong to a few Expat forums, and pretty much, by consensus, Nordic caviar ranks even below haggis (of course, there seems to be too many British expats voting, mind you, so the results may be, probably are, skewed).

How bad is that?

Well, haggis can not even be imported in the USA. That bad.

Hey, Haggis is awesome. Went to Scotland a few years ago and had a bunch of it.
In the US you can't get real haggis, since it's made with sheep lungs which aren't allowed in US.

 

[dralarms]

Hey, Haggis is awesome. Went to Scotland a few years ago and had a bunch of it.
In the US you can't get real haggis, since it's made with sheep lungs which aren't allowed in US.

Then how do all the sheep I see breath?