# For the Ladies



## masta (Mar 12, 2005)

<DIV style="FONT: 10pt arial; PADDING-TOP: 10pt">*GREAT QUOTES BY GREAT LADIES* 





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_Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened._ 


_-Cora Harvey Armstrong- _




_Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies._ 




_The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. _


_-Helen Hayes (at 73)- _



_I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. _


_-Janette Barber- _



_Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. _


_-Lily Tomlin- _




_A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. _


_-Carrie Snow- _




_Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. _


_-Laurie Kuslansky- _




_My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. _


_-Erma Bombeck- _




_Old age ain't no place for sissies. _


_-Bette Davis- _




_A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. _


_-Rhonda Hansome- _




_The phrase "working mother" is redundant. _


_-Jane Sellman- _




_Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. _


_-Jennifer Unlimited- _




_Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. _


_-Charlotte Whitton- _




_Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. _


_-Caryn Leschen- _




_I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. _


_-Jennifer Unlimited- _




_If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. _


_-Catherine- _




_When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! _


_-Kathy Buckley- _




_I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. _


_-Dolly Parton- _




_If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. _


_-Sue Grafton- _




_I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. _


_-Roseanne Barr- _




_When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.. _


_-Elayne Boosler- _




_Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. _


_-Maryon Pearson- _




_In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. _


_-Margaret Thatcher- _




_I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. _


_-Gloria Steinem- _





_I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. _


_-Zsa Zsa Gabor- _




_Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. _


_-Eleanor Roosevelt- _[/list]


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## MedPretzel (Mar 12, 2005)

Absolutely wonderful post, Scott! I love it!


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## AAASTINKIE (Mar 14, 2005)

I like ladies, what else can I say?


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## MedPretzel (Mar 14, 2005)

I have to remember a few of them when my husband gets me mad. hehehehe


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## Hippie (Mar 14, 2005)

I am also a woman fan.I am a Momma's boy, and actually get along way better with women than men. 


Scott, can I borrow those to send to my wife and Momma?


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## MedPretzel (Mar 14, 2005)

Sorry guys, I'm a man fan, but I get along better with them. They're just .... funner.


But I still loved the post.


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## Hippie (Mar 15, 2005)

Oh sure, of course we are funner. Passing gas in a crowd, belching out loud in public, etc.


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## MedPretzel (Mar 15, 2005)

yeah, and they have better jokes. And are just way more on my wavelength.


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## Hippie (Mar 16, 2005)

Men are fine for helping get thangs done around the yard or fixing a vehicle, but I take a woman any day for casual conversation, especially a natural blonde I can get by lying to.


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## Maui Joe (Mar 16, 2005)

Man gotta have at least one...my dog don't talk, scream or cook. Kinda miss all that when they're not around now and then...


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## MedPretzel (Mar 16, 2005)

What exactly do you mean by "lying to" Glenvall?





Oh, but dogs don't nag either, Maui.


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## Maui Joe (Mar 16, 2005)

Where"s that thread at?


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## Maui Joe (Mar 16, 2005)

My dog don't nag, he loves me...he is starting to "sag" some...me too!


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## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

<H2 style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center>Husband Wants Divorce<?amespace prefix = o ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" /></H2>


A married couple is driving along a highway doing sixty mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to seventy mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.
Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she's up to ninety mph.
"All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit
cards, too."
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling.
This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife says, "No, I've got every thing I need."
"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"
Right before they slam into the wall at a hundred mph, the wife smiles and says, "The airbag."<BR style="mso-special-character: line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character: line-break">


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## Maui Joe (Mar 17, 2005)

What a way to end the day...much thanks!


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## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

Here is one for your dad Med
<?amespace prefix = o ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />

*Subject:* *Farmer's donkey* 
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried 
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. 
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered 
up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. 
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all 
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. 
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. 
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads 
later, the farmer finally looked down the 
well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt 
that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would 
shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to 
shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step 
up. 
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge 
of the well and trotted off! 
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to 
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of 
our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells 
just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step 
up! 
Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 
1. Free your heart from hatred. 
2. Free your mind from worries. 
3. Live simply. 
4. Give more. 
5. Expect less. 
P.S. The donkey later came back and kicked THE CRAP out of the farmer 
that tried burying him. 
Moral: When you try to Cover Your Ass, it always comes 
back to get you. 
<BR style="mso-special-character: line-break" clear=all>
<BR style="mso-special-character: line-break" clear=all>
<DIV =Msonormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center>
<HR align=center width="100%" SIZE=3>


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## Hippie (Mar 19, 2005)

I see that joke all over the internet. I love it.


Joe, please don't get Martina riled and stirred up.


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## Maui Joe (Mar 19, 2005)

I am learning quick...I learn fast...I am now bowing ...


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## Hippie (Mar 19, 2005)

To her majesty? Smart thinking.


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## MedPretzel (Mar 19, 2005)

Heyy!!!!!!!!!!!





Am I really coming across that way here?


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## Hippie (Mar 20, 2005)

Coming across what way? I was merely making a reference to the 'queen of finevinewines forum' post elsewhere on this forum.


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## MedPretzel (Mar 20, 2005)

Oh, I guess I misunderstood. Sorry 'bout that.


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## Hippie (Mar 20, 2005)

Sorry that you misunderstood? That would leave me apologizing almost nonstop.


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