# How to make the woman happy!



## Angelina (Mar 24, 2015)

HOW TO MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!

THE POINT SYSTEM
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Jack Daniels. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2) Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar.(+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned
expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes
without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Basically we can’t win Lads


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## JohnT (Mar 25, 2015)

OK, so what do we do with all of these collected points? Do we get to redeem them for something??? 

(Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)...


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## roger80465 (Mar 25, 2015)

JohnT said:


> OK, so what do we do with all of these collected points? Do we get to redeem them for something???
> 
> (Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge)...



That question just lost you 72000 points.


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## olusteebus (Mar 25, 2015)

How to make a man happy

Get me a beer +10
Fix me a sandwich +15
Shut up +20
Don't shut up, -100

There are other options that I won't go into.


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## JohnT (Mar 25, 2015)

How about.. 

Cook dinner +1000
clean house +2000 

do the above after coming home from a job +1,000,000.


OK, now I see the women lighting their torches and sharpening their pitchforks.... I need to find a good place to hide!


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## Runningwolf (Mar 25, 2015)

What if I had all of her pails of wine waiting for her when she pulled up three days before the official date?


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## Angelina (Mar 25, 2015)

LOL PRICELESS!!!! 

But a clean house and dinner after working all day is a close 2nd.


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## Runningwolf (Mar 25, 2015)

Angelina said:


> LOL PRICELESS!!!!
> 
> But a clean house and dinner after working all day is a close 2nd.



LOL I left you a message on FB


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## Angelina (Mar 25, 2015)

I am doing my happy dance!


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## Runningwolf (Mar 25, 2015)

Angelina said:


> I am doing my happy dance!



Keep dancing, I just sent you a few recipes!::


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## Bergmann (Mar 25, 2015)

I know how to make women happy! Give them what they want! What do they want? More!


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## roger80465 (Mar 26, 2015)

JohnT said:


> How about..
> 
> Cook dinner +1000
> clean house +2000
> ...



Glad you said 'pitchforks' and not 'brooms' or we would find pieces of you scattered in every corner of the forum!


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## HB_in_Subic (Mar 26, 2015)

That stuff doesn't work in my household. I do my things (earn the $, traditional male activities, BBQ, cook dinner once a week, heavy lifting, repairs (house, vehicles), pay the bills, etc.), she does her's (housekeeping, laundry, dishes, cooking, grocery shopping). We sat down and discussed all of this before we got married and made some concessions on both sides. 

I am very happy here not having to deal with all of the above. I give her respect in words and action as does she to me. It is a true partnership and none of this bait and switch stuff to get the other to do something. 

I started to make wine as she prefers it over beer. She also likes cider so I made her some. We do things for each other and that keeps us strong.

But I get the joke and understand how it is back home and am so glad that I am here and not there.


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## Bergmann (Mar 26, 2015)

HB_in_Subic said:


> That stuff doesn't work in my household. I do my things (earn the $, traditional male activities, BBQ, cook dinner once a week, heavy lifting, repairs (house, vehicles), pay the bills, etc.), she does her's (housekeeping, laundry, dishes, cooking, grocery shopping). We sat down and discussed all of this before we got married and made some concessions on both sides.
> 
> I am very happy here not having to deal with all of the above. I give her respect in words and action as does she to me. It is a true partnership and none of this bait and switch stuff to get the other to do something.
> 
> ...



AAH, Newlyweds! like the lady said in wizard of OZ,, In due time my pretty, in due time.


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## HB_in_Subic (Mar 26, 2015)

Bergmann said:


> AAH, Newlyweds! like the lady said in wizard of OZ,, In due time my pretty, in due time.



Not really. Been together 13 years.. I wouldn't call that new. This is my 2nd marriage and refuse to repeat the mistakes that I made with the first one.


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## JohnT (Mar 26, 2015)

13 years??? Sounds like you are a newlywed to me. Also just wait until the both you are 55+ and energy levels drop...


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## Rocky (Mar 26, 2015)

There are only two ways to make a woman happy and no one knows either one of them!


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## JohnT (Mar 26, 2015)

roger80465 said:


> Glad you said 'pitchforks' and not 'brooms' or we would find pieces of you scattered in every corner of the forum!


 

Oh Roger, how could you say such a thing. I have you know that I love and respect women. I think that every man should own one. 


is it corner time yet Julie????


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## jswordy (Mar 26, 2015)

Oh, we've got a much easier point system.

She just points at me and says,

"You're an a--hole!"

And there ya go.


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## jgmann67 (Mar 29, 2015)

Under this set of rules, you will never accumulate any points...

"You don't get any points for doing something she expects."


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## HB_in_Subic (Apr 2, 2015)

jswordy said:


> Oh, we've got a much easier point system.
> 
> She just points at me and says,
> 
> ...



Yes but when you start having "hallway sex", she says "FU" as she pass you in the hall you know it's over. If you are saying the same thing out the front door, that is considered "public sex". Either way you are screwed. Been there, done that. This one won't end that way I am sure


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## jswordy (Apr 2, 2015)

HB_in_Subic said:


> Yes but when you start having "hallway sex", she says "FU" as she pass you in the hall you know it's over. If you are saying the same thing out the front door, that is considered "public sex". Either way you are screwed. Been there, done that. This one won't end that way I am sure



That's way too complicated for a drunk.

She says, "You're an a--hole."

Then I say, "Thank you. It took many years of hard work."

To celebrate, I pour another glass of wine. Oh, and eat another chicharon.

She throws her hands up in exasperation.

I shrug. "I still love you." And I drink from my glass. 

Hmmm - how did I direct that statement, to her or the glass?

Women love that mysterious stuff - it's romantic!


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## wineforfun (Apr 2, 2015)

HB_in_Subic said:


> Not really. Been together 13 years.. I wouldn't call that new. This is my 2nd marriage and refuse to repeat the mistakes that I made with the first one.



Gotta agree with HB. 

I did as he did. We pretty much laid out likes, dislikes, etc. beforehand and 21yrs. later all is well(at least it was when I left for work this morning). Oh, and I am 50 and her 51, so we are far from newlyweds or young ones.


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## jswordy (Apr 3, 2015)

jswordy said:


> That's way too complicated for a drunk.
> 
> She says, "You're an a--hole."
> 
> ...



It's a joke....


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## wineforfun (Apr 3, 2015)

Jim,
That is awesome, quoting yourself.


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## jswordy (Apr 3, 2015)

wineforfun said:


> Jim,
> That is awesome, quoting yourself.



Now I am quoting you about me quoting myself! Let the superlatives begin!


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