# Lost my Father in Law Friday



## Kraffty (Jul 25, 2021)

Friday morn as we were getting into our truck to go shopping we got the call that Lori’s father had passed away overnight. While we knew it was coming sometime soon it was still a little bit of a jarring moment. We loaded some clothes and made it over to Lave Havasu City in under four hours to be with her mom. Hospice was there with Lori’s mom, at 4:00am, when he died and did what hospice is so deservedly known for, helping her through the hardest moments. Because this has been coming for a few years, plans were in place and one phone call put everything in motion that’s needed to deal with a home death.

Lori and Gail (MIL) and I are doing surprisingly well. Chuck “Charlie Brown” (real name, no kidding) the father, husband and man I’d first met when I was an intimidated 16 year old had faded away over the last 10 months leaving a confused, scared and weakened 86 year old body in his place. That body lacked most of the emotions or mental abilities to draw and function on a lifetime of experience or memories. Suspicion, paranoia, hallucinations and fear replaced the confidence that defined his prior day to day life. I’m so glad that he somehow remembered the three of us until the end even if names were a bit of a challenge at times.

Spending a couple of days reminiscing, laughing, sharing thoughts and memories seemed to get us through the weekend. Most of our crying and sadnesses happened months ago. He’s finally done with the cruelness of dementia and the effects that spill over on anyone near and dear. Gail can finally sleep through the night and get real rest again. She can go to a restaurant, Dr’s appt. or just take a 5 minute phone call without fear of what might happen with Chuck. The toll on the caregivers is heavy as a few of you know. Lori’s memory of her father can reset to the strong and loving man he was. I’m just glad that the man who was like a second dad to me is at peace.

Needed to ramble a bit, Lori and I are half way out of parents now………. love them if you have them…….


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## cmason1957 (Jul 25, 2021)

So sorry to hear of your loss. My mom passed away two years ago after a horrible stroke that took everything from her. No matter how long you have to prepare for it, it is still a shock. My wife and I are down to just my dad, at 95 he is going strong and we are very thankful for it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Rice_Guy (Jul 25, 2021)

I am sorry to hear your loss, 
In this case the term I have heard is “half dead” while waiting for closure. and yes the care helpers are angels!


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## Jovimaple (Jul 25, 2021)

So sorry for your loss.


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## sour_grapes (Jul 25, 2021)

My sincere condolences Mike.


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## crushday (Jul 25, 2021)

Oh, Mike. So sorry to hear about your and Lori’s loss. Loosing a parent is really tough…. Praying for you.


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## JBP (Jul 26, 2021)

My deepest sympathies for your loss. Cherish your memories.


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## heatherd (Jul 26, 2021)

So sorry for your loss!


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## olusteebus (Jul 26, 2021)

Sorry for the loss. Find peace in that he is no longer suffering but rather he is enjoying a well deserved rest.


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## bstnh1 (Jul 26, 2021)

Sorry for your loss. Loss of a parent is never easy no matter how old they are or how expected it is.


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## wood1954 (Jul 26, 2021)

It’s so sad to see what dementia does to us.


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## bstnh1 (Jul 26, 2021)

wood1954 said:


> It’s so sad to see what dementia does to us.


My wife has dementia. She was diagnosed about 3 years ago when memory issues began to crop up. It's still primarily memory issues, but it gets steadily worse. She has problems remembering if she ate breakfast, what she had, etc. If we're headed out to eat, she will ask me 3 or 4 times where we're going. She no longer drives and cooking is out of the question. She used to love to read, but can no longer do that because she can't remember what she read on the previous page. So I'm running the whole show here - everything from managing her meds, to cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. It's very frustrating for her and for me.


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## ibglowin (Jul 26, 2021)

So very sorry for your loss Mike. We are going down the same road with Mrs IB's dad. He is 87 and dementia runs in the family sadly.


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## jswordy (Jul 26, 2021)

I'm so sorry for the loss of someone who was special in your life for so long, and for your wife's and mother-in-law's loss of a father and husband. You are so right about dementia. The 90th and last year of my Dad's life was a struggle, as his anger and suspicion clouded his judgment and made it difficult for us to act to support him and in his best interests. I took comfort when he finally was at peace, and I hope that comfort about Chuck sustains you all in this difficult time.


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## BernardSmith (Jul 26, 2021)

My sincere condolences, Krafty.


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## ruhbarb76 (Jul 26, 2021)

My condolences and thank you for expressing your feelings; They are sweet remembrance for many of us.


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## my wine (Jul 26, 2021)

Sorry to hear of your loss. Connie's dad passed away earlier this month. Hospice was a huge help in the last days and a few afterwards. We, as you, are now helping mom adjust to this next phase. Thanks for sharing.


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## wood1954 (Jul 26, 2021)

bstnh1 said:


> My wife has dementia. She was diagnosed about 3 years ago when memory issues began to crop up. It's still primarily memory issues, but it gets steadily worse. She has problems remembering if she ate breakfast, what she had, etc. If we're headed out to eat, she will ask me 3 or 4 times where we're going. She no longer drives and cooking is out of the question. She used to love to read, but can no longer do that because she can't remember what she read on the previous page. So I'm running the whole show here - everything from managing her meds, to cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. It's very frustrating for her and for me.


The sad thing is she could live for twenty years getting worse and worse. My mother in law became demented in her late 80s and lived to 105, she lived with us when she was 103-104 it was awful.


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## Old Corker (Jul 26, 2021)

Sorry for your loss. Comforting and sad at the same time.


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## Kraffty (Jul 26, 2021)

A very sincere Thank you all for the condolences, many of you feel like extended family to me. For those of you dealing with loved ones with dementia I can only say continue to be as patient as you can. Don't beat yourselves up when you feel like you're failing them. Doing the best you can is all you can do.
Thanks again on behalf of Lori also.


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## Boatboy24 (Jul 27, 2021)

So sorry to be reading this, Mike. Glad you, Lori and Gail have peace. Prayers for all 4 of you.

Jim


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## David Violante (Jul 27, 2021)

Mike~ it is good to hear that you have fond memories, a loving family, and some time to work through all this together. Peace and comfort to you and yours, and thank you for the reminder to keep our families close as well. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.


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## winemanden (Dec 27, 2022)

Sorry to hear of your loss. It gets us all in the end, but it's hard for the ones who are left behind. Forget any guilty thoughts about what you could or should have done. Look to the future and carry on as you were doing, remembering the good times you shared together.


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## jswordy (Dec 27, 2022)

So sorry to hear this, Mike, as you move through one of life's more difficult change periods. You and your family are in my thoughts today. What you wrote was beautiful, and it's good that you can remember him in those ways.


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## Jovimaple (Dec 27, 2022)

Not to downplay the well wishes, but this thread is from July 2021.


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## Kraffty (Dec 29, 2022)

Still, the sympathy wishes are appreciated and it was just a little over a month ago we finally got to drop his ashes into the lake as he requested.Thanks again.


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## jswordy (Jan 7, 2023)

Kraffty said:


> Still, the sympathy wishes are appreciated and it was just a little over a month ago we finally got to drop his ashes into the lake as he requested.Thanks again.



Glad to hear it, Mike @Kraffty. I don't think the passage of time makes the support of thoughts and prayers any less, myself. It was a year aftr her death before we spread my MIL and FIL's ashes under the big oak tree on their farm where she always brought him lunch while he was out working. A tear is running down my cheek now, thinking about it. And that was 11 years ago.


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