# For The Men



## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

<?amespace prefix = o ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />

<H1 style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt">Men's Rules</H1>


We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
(Please note ... these are all numbered "1" because all have equal
value..)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the <?amespace prefix = st1 ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficearttags" /><st1:State><st1lace>Victoria</st1lace></st1:State>'s Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted in one of two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. And last but not least...take care of our needs or we will find it
somewhere else.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind; it's like camping.


----------



## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

<?amespace prefix = o ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />



Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat
ltteer be at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Hvae a ncie day!

Amzanig, huh?


----------



## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

<?amespace prefix = o ns = "urnchemas-microsoft-comfficeffice" />


<DIV style="BORDER-RIGHT: medium none; PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; BORDER-TOP: medium none; PADDING-LEFT: 4pt; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; MARGIN-LEFT: 75.75pt; BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 1.5pt solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 1.5in; PADDING-TOP: 0in; BORDER-BOTTOM: medium none">
* Redneck Farmhand *
A redneck farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my
truck. He's still wriggling - what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and
when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back.
"Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing.”


----------



## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)

Sorry everyone I'm a litte bored


----------



## RAMROD (Mar 17, 2005)




----------



## MedPretzel (Mar 17, 2005)

Ah, the Oktoberfest ladies! Do you know they make like thousands of dollars in tips for just 2 weeks of work?





But those ladies are hard workers. I'd like to see some men try to carry all those (full)beer steins!


----------



## Hippie (Mar 19, 2005)

How in the world is she doing that? No way she can have her hands on all the handles of mugs. That has to be some sort of trickery, and she looks like a man in the face.


----------



## RAMROD (Mar 21, 2005)

You know your right CW never realy looked at it before the is no way she can be holding all the handles.


?????????


----------



## MedPretzel (Mar 21, 2005)

Oh yes, it is true. She is. I've seen this done live. They are no forces to be reckoned with. They have hands the size of Goliath. Probably boobs to go with it, too. 





Sorry, but it's true.


----------



## Hippie (Mar 21, 2005)

If you look at the pic, you can see there is no way she can have all the handles in each hand. Those mugs are hooked together with something. I have seen then carry 4 in each hand, no problem, even for an ugly Deustchen Bierfrau with huge hands.


I'm not buying this ticket.


----------



## MedPretzel (Mar 21, 2005)

Believe it, honey. It's doable.


----------



## Hippie (Mar 22, 2005)

Yes, I agree, but not with the hands alone.


----------

