# Man Rules :)



## Zoogie (Oct 18, 2010)

The Man Rules 
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down 

Finally , the guys' side of the story. 
( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear " the rules" 
From the female side.... 

Now here are the rules from the male side. 

These are our rules! 
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " 
ON PURPOSE! 

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. 
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

1. Sunday sports or news, It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides. 
Let it be. 

1.. Crying is blackmail. 

1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work! 
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it! 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 
Don't ask us. 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 

1. You can either ask us to do something 
Or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. 
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we. 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 
We do that. 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.. 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football 
or Cars. 

1. You have enough clothes. 

1. You have too many shoes. 

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 

1. Thank you for reading this. 
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 

Pass this to as many men as you can - 
to give them a laugh. 

Pass this to as many women as you can - 
to give them a bigger laugh.

thought I would share Zoogie


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## Runningwolf (Oct 18, 2010)

Cute. Laugh if you want but it's nice to see you ladies really do understand the rules even if you don't follow them.


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## BIGJEFF (Oct 18, 2010)

they're all pretty good, but #1 is my favorite


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## Wade E (Oct 18, 2010)

That is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you!


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## jtstar (Oct 18, 2010)

Thanks for the laugh now if only I can get my wife to follow the rules


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## grapeman (Oct 18, 2010)

Zoogie said:


> The Man Rules
> At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
> 
> 
> ...


 

These two are the best. Although I must say that I have once or twice sat down on the toilet to do the other thing after leaving it up and can understand that one....................


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## Julie (Oct 18, 2010)

Runningwolf said:


> Cute. Laugh if you want but it's nice to see you ladies really do understand the rules even if you don't follow them.



Well who says we have to follow the rules


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## PPBart (Oct 18, 2010)

Great post! I've already sent it on to my son-in-law and some other buddies.


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## Larryh86GT (Oct 18, 2010)

Guys: Don't try to impliment these rules if you really know what's good for you. You will lose. In our minds we can think them but that's about it.


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## Boyd (Oct 18, 2010)

I don't think I will show this to my boss (wife). 

Things work pretty good around here and I will leave it that way.

Another words I am chicken.


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## Sirs (Oct 19, 2010)

LOL my wife says your whiped, LOL I was gonna say somethnig else and she said thats not what I said..... she is the best and I love her dearly(this is how you suck up)

Edit: she read this and said Eddie your such a goober




Boyd said:


> I don't think I will show this to my boss (wife).
> 
> Things work pretty good around here and I will leave it that way.
> 
> Another words I am chicken.


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## pwrose (Oct 19, 2010)

Julie said:


> Well who says we have to follow the rules



Who says we have to follow yours,












ummmm nevermind I have been cut off long enough to know better!!!!!!!!!


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## Boyd (Oct 19, 2010)

Army has a saying that covers showing this to the wife.

Called pooping in your mess kit. Not a good idea!!


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## Sirs (Oct 19, 2010)

been there done that


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## Julie (Oct 19, 2010)

pwrose said:


> Who says we have to follow yours,
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You are a smart man PW,


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## Runningwolf (Oct 19, 2010)

Julie said:


> You are a smart man PW,



...and on my 3000th post I am going to ask what PW stands for?


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## Deezil (Oct 19, 2010)

Runningwolf said:


> ...and on my 3000th post I am going to ask what PW stands for?



Just a guess... but i think the 'W' might be 'whipped'....

... Just a guess...


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## jtstar (Oct 19, 2010)

maybe Pee Wee


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## pwrose (Oct 19, 2010)

Ill take all that, mainly cause I dont have much of a choice, however it stands for
Patrick Wayne
I can only blame my parents for that one.......

Im headed to the corner to cry not for punishment this time,,,,


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## Runningwolf (Oct 19, 2010)

pwrose said:


> Ill take all that, mainly cause I dont have much of a choice, however it stands for
> Patrick Wayne
> I can only blame my parents for that one.......
> 
> Im headed to the corner to cry not for punishment this time,,,,



LMAO Too funny


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## closetwine (Oct 19, 2010)

*Women's Rebuttal*

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 
( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 
At least act like you have a mind!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. 
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. 
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 
And you don't fall in either. If I fall in you clean it for a month!
1. Sunday sports or news, It's like the full moon 
or the changing of the tides. 
Let it be. 
Kinda like PMS? Then you should be more sympathetic. And stop taking the comics to the bathroom with you.
1.. Crying is blackmail. 
And it works! Don't fix what ain't broke!
1. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work! 
Strong hints do not work! 
Obvious hints do not work! 
Just say it! 
When I say, "I kinda like that." You're expected to deliver it on the next appropriate holiday.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 
Be smart enough to know which one to use.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 
Don't complain when you see the phone bill. We girlfriends were just talking about your shortcomings.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 
There is no statute of limitations. And you outta know better than to bring mom into it.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. 
Don't ask us. 
If you think your bad in bed, don't ask. You probably are!
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 
Prove it.
1. You can either ask us to do something 
Or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. 
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. 
God gave me a man to get it done, but brains to tell him how. FYI read the instructions and we won't have to!
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 
Quite running to the bathroom, or getting another drink on commercials and we might have a chance to do that.
1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we. 
Maybe not, but I'd like to get there on time!
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 
Then don't complain when we dress you.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 
We do that. 
If it is in public, we will complain. We do that!
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.. 
If you wanna get any soon, better decide it is worth the hassel!
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 
Get smart guys. Compliment us before we can ask!
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 
And anything you wear isn't. I'm not going out with a bum!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football 
or Cars. 
Correst answer is "how beatiful you are, or how much I love you."
1. You have enough clothes. 
NEVER!!!
1. You have too many shoes. 
THAT IS WAR!!!
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 
Yes, but if I have sex with round... I might fall off and get hurt. You want a nice set of boobs and a nice butt, then I want a six-pack abs and a tight tush!
1. Thank you for reading this. 
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 
Roses, chocolate, poetry, and lots of *** kisssing in your future!


Most importantly: Our rules are subject to change at any moment and without warning and you are still expected to follow them!


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## Sirs (Oct 19, 2010)

LOL really good


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## Midwest Vintner (Oct 20, 2010)

i think man rules should be based on what makes a man and man to man talk/actions. man to woman rules don't work too well. 

example, a man should not drink a glass of wine or beer without offering his fellow man one. 

or

for no reason should a man every wear tight pants.


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