# Depressed



## JohnT (Dec 7, 2012)

OK, 

So here's an Idea for a poll.. 

Have any of you suddenly realize that people you thought were friends were (in fact) only in it for the wine?


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## Julie (Dec 7, 2012)

I only make wine by myself with my husband being my toady  but in other ventures especially this past year, that there were people who we thought were friends but were only friends because of what Mike and I could do for them.


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## Kraffty (Dec 7, 2012)

I haven't made enough yet for that kind of problem but, trying to put a positive spin on the question, (hopefully it's at least partially in jest) wouldn't that mean you're a heck of a winemaker. Kind of a Pied Piper able to lead rats around?
Mike


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## JohnT (Dec 7, 2012)

Thanks for that perspective. Rats is correct!


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## Arne (Dec 7, 2012)

Buddy of mine got into winemaking about the same time as I did. Think he ran into kinda the same thing you are talking about, he called me up the other day and says he is getting out of it. Come get all my winemaking stuff, carboys, both full and empty. He didn't take too kindly to those folks, not going to give them another chance. Havn't told him I am going to yet, but I have about 25 gal. to bottle and give back to him. Sure seems to take a lot of time when your operation doubles or a bit more. Arne.


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## Rocky (Dec 7, 2012)

John, one thing that I have observed is since I have been taking a bottle or two to some of the neighborhood get togeters, I am getting an awful lot of people wanting to give me empty bottles all of a sudden. But trading a bottle of wine for a case or two of bottles is a good trade to me.


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## BobF (Dec 7, 2012)

I'm with Julie on this one. Except for the toadie part ...


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## grapeman (Dec 7, 2012)

Sounds like a lot of relatives I have on the other side of the family. As long as I gave wine away to them it was the best wine they ever had. Not a single one of them has bought a bottle of wine from me since I started selling it. It must just taste better when it is free. Even my brother who drinks the best box wine $20 can buy commented when I brought a bottle of 2007 Cab Franc for us to share a few weeks ago commented that "hey this is better than the stuff I brought with me" I said, for God's sake I hope so!


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## Julie (Dec 7, 2012)

BobF said:


> I'm with Julie on this one. Except for the toadie part ...


 
What!!!!! you can't get your wife to be your toady?


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## BobF (Dec 7, 2012)

Julie said:


> What!!!!! you can't get your wife to be your toady?



 She's my toadie for lotsa' stuff, but the only interest she has in wine is drinking it. She uses a different name than 'toadie' though ... not appropriate for mixed company ... begins with 'B' ;-)


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## Pumpkinman (Dec 7, 2012)

John, I was a chef, Culinary grad trained in Italy, try to imagine the people that use t show up around dinner time because they were "in the area", or at every holiday, or who wanted me to cater their party, for free of course, because "it's easy for me"....
Then I changed professions, became an IT professional, became real good at it, opened my own computer consulting and repair business... everyone I knew wanted me to "just look" at their computer, or fix theirs for free, or when i was really blessed, someone always knew someone else with a business that needed me to go fix their network problems, and of course "such and such told me that you would give me a real good break because they know you".....
....yep......I know the type real well.....


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## JohnT (Dec 7, 2012)

I guess that this is my make-up. I am overly trusting. It is times like this that make me wonder if I will ever learn my lesson and not be so open and sharing! 

I have this handicap in not being able to judge what most people's hidden adgenda are. Me being a person with no hidden agendas, I find this hard to do.


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## ffemt128 (Dec 7, 2012)

I can see it from both perspectives. All of the people I share my wine with (other than those met here) were friends prior. I do see some "expecting" me to bring wine if we stop over sometimes but not always. I got into this hobby for myself and my wife. If that changes, then I may have re-evaluate the "hobby".


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## BobF (Dec 7, 2012)

You shouldn't change, John. Be true to yourself.

Just realize that everybody is different, with varying degrees of ethics/morality.

Maybe hold back a bit on the give aways


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## Kraffty (Dec 7, 2012)

I'm with Bob on this one, that same trusting make-up that SOME people will take advantage of is also the same make-up that the very best of your friends embrace in you. Don't change, just pick and choose more carefully who gets to hang out with you.
m


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## Tom_S (Dec 7, 2012)

Most of the people who get my wine are family, so of course I knew them before I started making wine. But I haven't had too many moochers come around. I did give bottles of wine to neighbors for Christmas last year. One neighbor doesn't drink wine so she gave her bottle to the other neighbor. He in turn gave me a case of empty bottles (and I need to remember to run over there with another bottle of wine). 

I've also swapped bottles with another lady here in town who also makes wine, as well as my wife's cousin. But so far I've never had anyone become my friend all of a sudden and ask for a bottle. I've had a few people offer to buy a bottle, but I declined since I don't have a liquor license or a winery permit.


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## Poormanfarm (Dec 7, 2012)

Glad to read this because this is something that I am not going to start. As far as I know, there are only a few people in my community who know that I make wine. I live in a remote setting and I can't even hear a car or see another house from where I live. When they ask me about my grape vines I tell them we eat a lot of jelly. They look at me strange but do not take it any further. I know a couple who are some of our best friends but they are wine snobs and it is a little below their dignity to ask for a bottle of my wine. I helped my next door neighbor make a few gallons of Muscadine wine this year and I provided everything but the sugar. He has my back and I have his but next time he does it on his own.


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## dangerdave (Dec 8, 2012)

*Danger's Perspective*: When I started making wine a little over a year ago, I made one promise to myself. "_Friends and family in good standing are entitled to an occasional free bottle or two_." I am very legalistic about this promise. "_Friends_" require time and trust to be established. If I met you last week, you are not my friend. "_Family_", of course, is self-explanatory. However, my father departed when I was ten years old, never to return, and I have never had contact with that side of my blood-line. My mother is an only child, so her family is very small. When we have a family reunion, there is like ten of us. Most of them live far away. My wife has three adult children and her parents. So those who might _try_ to demand wine from me are small in number. "_In good standing_" is a no-brainer. If you do not maintain good relations with the wine maker, you won't even have the opportunity to ask. "_Occasional_" is intentionally ambiguous, allowing me complete temporal control of return beggers. "_Bottle or two_" means my favorates get extra!

This flawless system has thus far worked perfectly. No body messes with the wine maker!


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## K-9 (Dec 8, 2012)

interesting thread. interesting comments too. I too have been conned multiple times and even again recently. I have to learn. you give people a bottle or even more and you never get the bottles back or if you do there is a whole fungus farm growing in them which in my case i toss. I refuse to have to clean funky bottle. 2months ago i gave a dozen fresh eggs to a neighbor. They are very wealthy; I asked for the egg carton back (it is food grade and re-usasble and cost $5 pl shipping so not cheap) and to this day i haven't gotten it back. My best friend I give him a dozen i get the container back and we swap out another dozen. it is a pleasure with this guy. Go figure. same thing happened with my pint beer bottles when i used to brew ale and porters.

People...

That is the reason i am very reclusive and even elusive.


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## Runningwolf (Dec 8, 2012)

Tony I know exactly what you're talking about and what got this started. You're trying to help me out after reading about Julie taking advantage of my wine cellar all the time and now sh'e inviting members to come along with her and she'll show them around. AGGGGGGG

Honestly, I have not had too much of this issue. I have a few friends that do want my wine but often times gives me the money to buy them pails for me to make the wine for them. In return they want to help me when ever they can and often times give me $$ to buy myself a few pails.

The most rewrding times are when I hand the UPS or Fedex guy a bottle or any service person that comes to your house. You can't believe their expression and how far that goes in return.


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## Julie (Dec 8, 2012)

Runningwolf said:


> Tony I know exactly what you're talking about and what got this started. You're trying to help me out after reading about Julie taking advantage of my wine cellar all the time and now sh'e inviting members to come along with her and she'll show them around. AGGGGGGG
> ...........


 
Why Dan, I am very honest and pretty blunt about raiding your cellar and inviting others to come along with me


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## K-9 (Dec 8, 2012)

Damn, I had already planned my trip to Julie's to hit you up for a case or two. I'll even take the frozen batch off your hands. WTF?

now i have to try to get my $ back for the airline tickets.


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## grapeman (Dec 8, 2012)

K-9 just have Julie go and raid the cellar. She can then send it on down to you. A few cases of "marinade" sent your way. How good is that?


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## K-9 (Dec 8, 2012)

that would be great! I AM waiting...


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## Julie (Dec 8, 2012)

Well if I'm raiding Dan's cellar on my own, then I'm thinking I need to get a few bottles for JohnT since this is his post,


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## rezod11 (Dec 8, 2012)

> I have this handicap in not being able to judge what most people's hidden adgenda are. Me being a person with no hidden agendas, I find this hard to do.



JohnT, count yourself lucky. I had to learn not to trust people from the very people that I should have always been able to trust, my immediate family. One thing that I have learned over time is that people will always expect to deal with where they deal from...i.e. a liar expects he is being lied to, a lover expects to be loved by all, a thief expects to be stolen from.

My brother and I have been able to rise above all the B.S. and have made pretty good lives for ourselves Neither of us has allowed our history to be our future. My husband and his family are amazing and though his parents live two and a half hours away, we CHOOSE to see them far more frequently than my family that lives in the same town.

Continue to be a kind and giving person. Weed out the weeds, they aren't worth keeping. Live and learn!


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## JohnT (Dec 10, 2012)

Thanks for all of the posts folks. 

I guess the overall theme here is that I should be more careful. 

Julie, 

Put me down ofr two bottles.


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