My dad..

[JohnT]

My dad has Alzheimer's.

Over the weekend, my brothers suggested (with extreme prejudice) that I take my dad to the Italian market to do a little shopping.

This disease is a great evil. It robs a person of not only motor skills, but of that part of the brain that defines a person. Growing up, my dad was always very strong both mentally and physically. Now he is just a shell of his younger self. I have avoided doing anything with him (one-on-one) simply because I find it too hard emotionally.

I HATE seeing him like this. I dreaded the 2 hours of driving and the amount of time spent schlepping through the market. I knew that I needed to take this trip with him primarily to give my mom a break for a couple of hours but also because it is what a good son should do.

So, on Saturday, I went to the house to collect him. Mom made me sit for a bit and have a cup of coffee. While having my coffee, I noticed that dad did not quite seem to grasp what was going on. My fears came into play and I imagined just how difficult this was going to be.

Once we got dad in the car, and we were on our way, something fantastic happened. It was like someone turned on a light in his mind. The conversation we had flowed! We talked about the family, the good times we had in the past, investments, and a host of other topics. The drive to the market felt like it was only 10 minutes!

Once at the market, Dad grabbed hold of a shopping cart and, with that added stability, moved from stall to stall like a hummingbird. The smile on his face was just unforgettable. I started fill up the cart with produce, cheeses, soppressata, and (most treasured) imported Hungarian salami. He laughed when we passed by the bakery saying "don't even look in there" (the bakery is amazing)!

In short, for a few precious hours, I had my old Dad back (I am tearing up as I type this).

I am so glad that I did this. The difference in my father from the point I picked him up to the point where I dropped him off was simply remarkable. That stimulus of getting out of the house was exactly what he needed.

I posted this just in case there are others with an Alzheimer's parent. I think that this little trip was better than any of the dozens of medications he is currently taking. Going forward, I plan to do something with dad each and every week.

 

[Enologo]

Lost my Dad when I was only 23 years old. I'd give anything to have a couple hours like that with him now. Cherish the moments.

 

[Rocky]

JohnT, Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with us. We have all heard the dark and depressing stories from friends regarding this horrible disease. It is refreshing and uplifting to learn of your experience with your Father. I can only imagine the emotions that you feel watching the progression of this disease in your Father and how difficult it must be. I commend you for facing the problem head on and spending this precious time with your Dad.

 

[ibglowin]

Great story John. Thanks for sharing. They have good days and bad ones it seems. Treasure those good days.

 

[Kraffty]

Sounds like a great get together. I can assure you that being a good son will reap you memories years from now that you cherish for the rest of your life. I'd also bet that aside from giving your mom a few hours of rest you're also giving her some joy by seeing you spending that time with your dad. I hate to admit it but there were times during my father's last year I dreaded going to see him. It was purely out of feelings of sadness and some amount of wanting to ignore the fact that my bigger than life dad was coming to the end of his life. Like you I forced myself to visit and we had some of our closest and best times together.
Keep it up, good sons are hard to come by.
All the best to you and your family,
Mike

 

[dralarms]

John, thanks for sharing. Lost my dad in 2010 and I've wished time and time again that I had just one more day.

 

[FTC Wines]

John, my dad died in 2010, great mind, sad body, no eye sight. Which is totally different from ur situation. But we still miss him. Never heard the WW 2 stories untill he was 86, 7 yrs before he died. Enjoy what U can. Roy

 

[cmason1957]

I am so very lucky that both my parents are still with us, relatively good health, mind, body, and spirit. My wife and I are taking them on the yearly pilgrimage to a lake in Minnesota in a few weeks. It is great to spend the week with them away from electronics.

Glad you got to spend a good day with your dad. I cherish each and every one.

 

[Deezil]

John, I'm glad to read at the end that you're looking forward to doing something every week with your father.

Brain afflictions are horrendous. I deal with the other big 'A', every day; not Alzheimer's, but Autism. I dont speak on it much generally, because I already live it, but there are parallels between the story you've shared and the emotional rollercoaster I ride with no 'stop' button.

I'm a decade older than my younger brother, who is quite severely Autistic - to the point that it shocks me, the RARE blue moon, when we come across some just-as severe - and his dad was never really around. To the point that my brother wasn't even mentioned in the man's life insurance policy through his work. He died, my sisters got cashed out, my brother got stiffed. I've pretty much filled those shoes. Anyways, long story, and besides the point.

There's nothing like seeing the 'lights click on'. They look at you, they say something, and you cant help the double-take, or the mental "Are you serious?!"... Because its so close to home, it hurts to be toyed with like that... Sometimes you get a few sentences, sometimes you get just one look.. Sometimes you get a few hours.. and every time, its a blessing that you didn't know you needed... until you're at home later with tears streaming down your face while you're trying to type it out for us all to share in lol

It's all your fault, that I'm crying right now.
But it couldn't be a better day.

From someone who truly knows how special that experience is, I hope you get to enjoy many more times like this with your father.

 

[ceeaton]

John, thank you for sharing that. I lost my Dad in 1998, watched him slowly succumb to cancer. Worst thing was witnessing his mind failing. He went to Central High in Phila and was a walking dictionary. Never found a word he couldn't give me the meaning for. One night my younger brother got some venison steaks and we marinated them and did them up on the grill. He hadn't been eating very well at that point, and something just clicked. He was his old self again, albeit for a few hours. Your post made me weep and wish I could spend some time with him now. Thank you so much for sharing that!

 

[Runningwolf]

Great story John, thanks for sharing.

 

[A2]

My dad has Alzheimer's.

Over the weekend, my brothers suggested (with extreme prejudice) that I take my dad to the Italian market to do a little shopping.

This disease is a great evil. It robs a person of not only motor skills, but of that part of the brain that defines a person. Growing up, my dad was always very strong both mentally and physically. Now he is just a shell of his younger self. I have avoided doing anything with him (one-on-one) simply because I find it too hard emotionally.

I HATE seeing him like this. I dreaded the 2 hours of driving and the amount of time spent schlepping through the market. I knew that I needed to take this trip with him primarily to give my mom a break for a couple of hours but also because it is what a good son should do.

So, on Saturday, I went to the house to collect him. Mom made me sit for a bit and have a cup of coffee. While having my coffee, I noticed that dad did not quite seem to grasp what was going on. My fears came into play and I imagined just how difficult this was going to be.

Once we got dad in the car, and we were on our way, something fantastic happened. It was like someone turned on a light in his mind. The conversation we had flowed! We talked about the family, the good times we had in the past, investments, and a host of other topics. The drive to the market felt like it was only 10 minutes!

Once at the market, Dad grabbed hold of a shopping cart and, with that added stability, moved from stall to stall like a hummingbird. The smile on his face was just unforgettable. I started fill up the cart with produce, cheeses, soppressata, and (most treasured) imported Hungarian salami. He laughed when we passed by the bakery saying "don't even look in there" (the bakery is amazing)!

In short, for a few precious hours, I had my old Dad back (I am tearing up as I type this).

I am so glad that I did this. The difference in my father from the point I picked him up to the point where I dropped him off was simply remarkable. That stimulus of getting out of the house was exactly what he needed.

I posted this just in case there are others with an Alzheimer's parent. I think that this little trip was better than any of the dozens of medications he is currently taking. Going forward, I plan to do something with dad each and every week.

I was partially raised my Grandparents. My home life wasn't so good.

I had to watch my grandmother say the long goodby and it was heartbreaking.

She would have moments of lucidity and her kids would poke and prod (My Dad and Aunt). They would ask her questions like who we are.

Oddly, both of my grandparents said the same thing about me.

"Who is this?" my aunt or dad would say as they pointed at me.

"My Son.".

 

[JohnT]

WOW Austin... That just about says it all!

 

[fabrictodyefor]

Thanks for sharing everyone. My dad has been diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimers. He lives 10 hours away and has always come to WY in the summers, however last summer was his last summer here. He became so much worse while here....we all agreed he needs to stay "home" in his familiar surroundings. I try and make it to his home (where one of my sister's lives with him), but it is not an overnight trip. This is the price of getting older....having to let go of loved ones.